Is your team really resistant to feedback?
Quick heads-up: some of what I’m about to share might feel uncomfortable if you’re in a leadership role. Feedback is one of those tricky topics that can push buttons. But here’s the thing: the best growth rarely comes from the easy conversations. My hope is that we’ve built enough trust that I can challenge you here. Not to criticise, but to help you see feedback in a way that might just transform how your team responds to you.
I hear it all the time from leaders: “My team just doesn’t take feedback well. They get defensive. They push back. They shut down.”
Sound familiar?
The natural assumption is, “Well, they need to be more resilient so they can learn from feedback.” And sometimes that’s true. But if you notice this happening with most of your team, there may be more at play, not just about them, but about the dynamic between you and them.
To understand this issue with feedback we dug into our research. We discovered something that completely reframes the feedback conversation, and it’s not what most leaders expect.
At the E-Lab, we surveyed more than 4,000 people with one simple question:
“Who is the best leader you’ve ever had, and what did they do that made them so good?”
Four themes stood out. Together, they explain why feedback from some leaders lands beautifully… and from others, not so much.
1. They cared about me as a human being
This was the biggest factor. Great leaders don’t just care about performance; they care about people. They ask about life outside work (not in a creepy way). They ask questions. They listen. They make people feel seen.
Actions to try:
Start meetings by asking one non-work question.
Notice small details (birthdays, kids’ names, weekend events) and follow up on them.
Practise active listening, summarise back what someone said before moving on.
2. They actively talked to me about my career
The best leaders invested in their people’s future, not just their KPIs. They had conversations about aspirations, skills, and possibilities. They didn’t just manage, they mentored.
Actions to try:
If you don’t already, Schedule a 15-minute “career conversation” once a quarter with each direct report.
Ask: “What skills do you want to grow this year?” or “What’s a challenge you’d like to take on?”
If you already have these scheduled, reflect on the process being used and ask them for feedback - are these sessions getting you to the next step you want to take in your career?
3. They challenged me, but had my back
Here’s where it gets interesting. The best leaders stretched their people, giving them projects that felt slightly out of reach. But, and this is crucial, they were also supportive. If someone failed, the leader didn’t throw them under the bus. They were a soft place to land, dusted them off, and helped them go again.
Actions to try:
Delegate a project that feels 10–20% beyond someone’s current comfort zone.
Say explicitly: “I know this will stretch you, but I’ll be here if you get stuck.”
After a stumble, debrief constructively: What was learned? What’s the next step? How would you approach it differently next time?
4. They gave regular, balanced feedback
Yes, feedback was part of the formula but notice where it sits. It comes last for a reason.
The best leaders didn’t swoop in twice a year to drop a “feedback bomb.” They made feedback a regular, part of everyday conversations. They celebrated what people were doing well and offered clear guidance on what needed to improve.
But here’s the key learning: people were open to that feedback because of the first three steps.
Actions to try:
· Give “in the moment” feedback (within 24 hours of observing behaviour).
· Normalise micro-feedback by asking, "How did you feel that went?" or "Want a quick pointer?" or “That was great, can I add an ‘even better if’?”
· Use a simple balance rule: for every piece of corrective feedback, notice two positives.
The bigger picture
When feedback doesn’t land, it’s rarely (not always) because people “just don’t like feedback.” More often, it’s because the foundation of trust hasn’t been built yet.
The good news? That foundation can be built. Genuine connection, care, and investment in people’s growth create the conditions where feedback fuels performance instead of derailing it.
Reflection for leaders
Who on your team already trusts you enough to hear tough feedback openly? What is happening in that working relationship that isn’t in others that are not receiving feedback as well?
Where could you build deeper connection (or stronger trust) before pushing for change?
What impact might it have if your team knew you cared about them as much as you care about results?
When your people know you’re in their corner, feedback stops being something they brace for, and starts being something they act on. That’s when performance really shifts.