A Cynics Guide to Cynicism!
In my latest video (click here if you haven’t seen it), I spoke about how Burnout is made up of three dimensions, one of which is cynicism. It’s a lesser-known element of burnout – and one that can really drive burnout over and above the more commonly known dimension of exhaustion. In this article I talk about the negative impacts of cynicism and what you can do about it.
If someone accused you of being cynical right now you could put up a pretty good argument that you have every right to be. We have long running wars between countries, conflicts between race and religion that appear to never be resolved, financial markets up in the air and politicians who don't worry about or see any value in being truthful. It’s not exactly rainbows and sunshine out there right now.
However, for the individual, cynicism can be devastating. Cynical people die earlier, have high rates of chronic disease, experience less happiness and are much more likely to have chronic loneliness. If that doesn’t sound bad enough, it is also dangerous for a team. Cynics don't trust the people around them, and tend to focus on a problem rather than a solution, don't emotionally connect with others, and hamper any type of innovation. What is even more concerning is that cynicism can be contagious and spread throughout the rest of the team. Now it’s worth clarifying that people can be cynical as an overall temperament, meaning they are cynical about most things, or they can be cynical about certain things, such as their department. However, the latter can become the former and the former is where the majority of issues are.
Before we go any further let's define what cynicism is. Cynics assume the worst about people and have a fundamental belief that individuals are purely motivated by self-interest. They also struggle to change their opinions and hold onto their beliefs even when evidence is provided to the contrary.
How does this differ from scepticism? Scepticism is where you put a critical lens over things, and you look for evidence before you take on an opinion or a belief. People who are sceptical are curious and seek understanding and truth before they dismiss or accept information. As a scientist, I must display scepticism continually in my research work. We do this as a team by stepping back and reviewing our findings, what they mean and the impact they have. In fact, recently we did a study that showed this huge finding in our research. A finding that would have received a lot of media attention and been great for our business. However, everyone in my research team said, ‘this doesn't seem right’. So, we went about investigating the validity of this finding. And a good thing we did, because we discovered an assumption in one of the research papers which changed the meaning of the finding. Our healthy scepticism created a more accurate reporting of our data and interpretation of findings.
When I sat down to write this article, I looked at comments from people on discussion boards around how do you deal with a cynical person. The most common thing I came across were people saying you shouldn't deal with the cynical person you should stay away from them. In fact, one person on a forum wrote “I wouldn't know about cynical people because I cut all negative people out of my life.” I feel that this is terrible advice, obviously you don't want to go and seek out cynical people to engage with but sometimes we can't cut them out of our life because they’re your mother or a sibling or someone in your team. Sticking your head in the sand will not help you manage cynical people any better.
Here are some tips on what to do when you interact with a cynical person to reduce everyone’s chance of burnout.
Show them kindness rather than judgement
This is probably where you start thinking “oh it's going to be one of THOSE articles”. Yeah, I get your point, this is a tough one to do and most of the time you'd rather do anything but show a cynical person kindness, but the evidence is really strong here. Most cynical people are used to people treating them with judgement. But if you're really trying to connect with them, suspending judgement is a brilliant way to do that.
I was once working with a division of a bank. One of the teams within this division were referred to by others as ‘the snake team’. The first time I heard this I said to people ‘why do you call them that?’ One replied ‘because they're venomous, they are a toxic group of people who go around infecting other people in the organisation.’
When I worked with this team, I could see why they had earned that nickname, they were easily the most cynical group I've ever worked with and after spending hours with them I came out drained, flat and feeling pretty cynical myself. However, after a restructure, they got a new leader who was a rising star in the organisation. He came in and within weeks had literally turned this team around. I watched him interact with them and he genuinely cared about them, took an interest in them, knew about their personal lives, took time to listen to them and really understand them. Their productivity more than doubled, complaints about them dried up and they became one of the highest performing teams in that whole division of the bank.
Seek to understand them
Cynical people are usually cynical for a reason. They've been burnt in the past, they've had some sort of negative experience, or they've just been let down one too many times. Because of their cynical nature, others don't tend to be curious and try to understand them. It's very easy with cynical people to switch off in a conversation with them or to have a reduced interest or desire to listen to them on a deep level.
I was once running at workshop with a group of leaders, and we were talking about courageous leadership behaviours. One of the leaders in the room said ‘I must have a hard conversation with a member of my team. You see I have 4 rock stars in my team and one pain in the arse. I must sort out the pain in the arse because that guy's killing me.’ He stayed back after the session, and we discussed how he could approach the conversation and get the best result. I told him to call me after he had had the conversation to debrief.
He called me a couple of weeks later and said “I planned out all these things I was going to say and all these examples I was going to give him. As I sat down across from him, I thought about the thing you said about showing kindness rather than judgement. So, I pushed my papers to the side looked at him and said ‘we've been working together for a long time, over the last year you just seem really unhappy at work can I just ask what's going on? Are you OK?’ The leader said ‘it was amazing, he was kind of shocked and sat there in silence for a little bit but after a period of time he started to open up and talk about some significant challenges he had both at work and in his personal life. Obviously, I couldn't solve the challenges in his personal life but what I did do was check in with him from time to time on how things were going. However, the things that were bothering him at work were within my control. We worked on a solution and actioned them. The conversation that started with curiosity and care has transformed our relationship. He's gone from someone I dreaded interacting with to someone I'm looking forward to having meetings with. Also, his performance has increased dramatically, he's really contributing to the team and some of the others have commented on how his mood and demeanour has totally changed.’
Ask yourself – Am I contributing to their cynicism?
Having worked in culture and leadership for 20 years the only thing I can say for certain is that we all lack self-awareness. We are often unaware about our impact on others. Sometimes we communicate something to our team, and we think it's crystal clear but it leaves them totally confused. Cynical people are prone to judge and jump to conclusions. If we don't fill in the story for them, they will fill it in themselves and most likely with a very pessimistic bend. Whenever possible make sure your communication is honest and transparent.
Recently, I was working with the CEO and her leadership team - she was one of the best leaders I've come across. At one of the conferences, I was going to do a keynote, and she introduced me. But in the introduction, she said ‘Before we bring Adam up there's just a couple of things I want to clear up that I'm hearing around the place’. She talked about a decision she had made to do with the business and how people were spreading gossip about the motive behind that decision. She said Let me clear it up for you right now’. She was incredibly honest and she told people what was really going on. It was a brilliant leadership moment to witness.
Actually, I saw another leader do something similar. He led a division of an organisation and every month they would have an all in meeting and within this he would clear up any sort of gossip or stories that were going around this team. He was just really transparent. Afterwards I said, ‘When did you come up with that idea?’ He replied ‘I would hear rumours and incorrect stories, and I wouldn't talk about them because I didn't want to give them oxygen. What I realised though is people will fill in the blanks, so I started to fill them in for them. Not only has my trust rating gone up in the organisation but the amount of negative talk and gossip has reduced.’
Do what you say you are going to do
Finally, are you following through on your agreements or do you say you will do something for them and let it slide. Not following through on your promises can be devastating for cynical people and in general this erodes trust in the whole of your team. If you can’t follow through– tell them why.
What if you yourself are becoming cynical?
Well, this article is called the cynics guide to cynicism so of course we have to look at our own behaviour. When we look at burnout, cynicism is one of the three elements. While we have looked at how working with cynical people can have negative impacts to you and your team, what if you are the one that is becoming cynical? There’s a lot in this and it can be of greater benefit to look at your level of cynicism not just your physical exhaustion.
Firstly, if you can practice self-awareness, then you’re half way there. You might find you are shutting down ideas and options before really considering them, believing that you know what the answers or outcomes will be. This will of course impact your colleagues and team members. To avoid this, try these steps:
Take time to celebrate evolution and improvement. Something that makes us cynical is when we feel like what we do doesn’t have an impact or result in a tangible outcome. As an individual and a team reflect on progress and how you have evolved. This will not only reduce your cynicism but also bond and motivate your team.
Embrace healthy scepticism – questioning before accepting. Some doubt is helpful to avoid being duped, but ignoring the facts to stick to a cynical view and attaching meaning beyond the facts is not helpful, and takes you down the cynical path. The accepting part is key here, and to do this with some neutrality if not positivity.
Remember it's not always personal. Often things can go in a different direction at work and it’s not related to us – especially if it’s a system or a large organisation.
Practice self-care and self-compassion. Being cynical can come and go, or be related to a particular situation. If you find yourself becoming cynical, ensure you are filling your cup first and not trying to pour from an empty cup. When we feel exhausted or drained it is hard to see the positive.
While cynicism is something most of us experience from time to time, making sure we keep it in check and replace it with healthy scepticism will have real positive impacts on our levels of burnout.